This seems like a good place to start. Politeness, etiquette, manners, virtue, courtesies… they are not just words. What about the Golden Rule, Karma, cause and effect? The best of life comes from sharing and generating an epidemic of positive energy. Taking part in this epidemic calls for a revival in social grace.

Summer holidays are a time for social and family reunions, weddings, and travel. They are a time where your social grace is on exhibit. Do you feel your social grace represents you well? Do you feel satisfied with the response you’re getting to your exhibit? Are you pleased with the cause and effect?

If you answered no to any of the above questions, here are some tips to improve your social grace at at any kind of holiday gathering with friends or with family. These tips also work well for any kind of business event:

1.  Keep in mind, every event has two kinds of people … hosts and guests. Hosts make the introductions and make people feel comfortable. Guests need attention and maintenance.  At your next event, be more of a host and less of a guest. Start with a scan of the room. If you see someone you know, greet him or her. If they don’t introduce you, introduce yourself. Say something like:

“I don’t believe we’ve met before, I’m Sara”

or
“I’m sorry, I think we’ve met before but I’m rotten with names, what’s your name again?”
or

We discussed our favorite recipes, I’m Sara, please remind me of you name.

People love that you recognize them. If you need a topic for initiating a conversation, ask “how do you know the host?”

2.  Are you a rock piler? This is when people huddle together in a tight circle because it feels safer. Resist the urge to do this! Excuse yourself – yes, always, excuse yourself – say something like “I need to say hello to…” or simply “excuse me”.

If you know someone else, head his or her way and start over.

If you don’t, get another drink (remember, no good guest becomes intoxicated) and while in line, start small talk other people in line. Maybe begin by introducing yourself, say, “Great party, have we met? My name is Sara.” Good manners suggest that when holding a drink, hold it in your left hand, keep your right hand free for a handshake.

If there’s food, get a bite or two, and make small talk with others at the table. Maybe announce “great food!” On the other hand, if the food is bad, compliment the tablecloth. Find something nice to say! Not only is the nice thing to do, you never know who might be listening.

When eating, take very small bites in order to clear out of your mouth quickly.

If you don’t feel like drinking or eating, fine. Simply ease to the edge of a group that doesn’t appear to be having a private conversation. If they look questioningly your way, say something like, “Hi, I’m doing my best to be sociable and meet new people, I’m Sara.”

.. Don’t group hop or act as though your in scanner mode. Look people in the eye, listen politely, act interested and excuse yourself when you decide to move on.

Good manners suggest a social gathering is not the place to do business, even if it is a business-related social gathering. If you encounter someone who could benefit your business, schedule an appointment.

3. Dress appropriately. When in doubt, dress better.

4. Avoid boxing – squaring your shoulders front and center in front of one person. It’s okay with one on one conversation but excludes others from joining in. Be open for others to join in your conversation.

5. Put your coat and bag down. Holding onto to your coat says you just arrived, you are about to leave or you need a shield. While women can be forgiven for keeping a purse with them, men can’t.

6. Set a good example of social grace. Consider mentoring a younger family member or a friend. Try to introduce people to something you enjoy (perhaps a good book or movie, maybe a favorite hiking trail) at every social event.

7. Don’t forget to get mentored… make it a goal yourself to learn at least three new things at every social event. When learning, tilt your head (without going overboard) and look like the great listener you are!

8. Be a good host while you’re someone else’s guest. Say hi to the wallflowers. Be gracious to everyone. Make introductions too. Introduce a junior person to a senior person. When making introductions, include a positive snippet about both people…  for example:

“Mandy I’d like to introduce you to Sue, she’s an engineer who also loves to design costumes. Sue, this is my friend Mandy whom I told you about from my investment club.”

9. Managing the party host. When interacting with the host, ask simple upbeat yes/no questions and don’t monopolize them… they are hosting the party after all.

10. Always, always, always: Thank the host before you leave.

Enjoy!

Sources:

Rowland, Dianna. “Networking 201” http://www:sfwa.org/2009/07/networking-201-how-to-“work-a-room”. Retrieved 12/06/2010.

Chiang, Larry. “10 tips for founders en route to the power-party circuit” from http://www.bspcn.com/207/06/30/how-to-work-the-room. Retrieved 12/06/2010.

My list is long. It includes all my grandparents — one who offers guidance, one who watches over me when I cook, one who reminds me to travel the world, and one who encourages me to tell my stories. It includes my parents, both who I call on for strength. It includes my husband, the man who challenges me, believes in me and loves me. It also includes mentors I’ve never met, but who inspire me to live with intention. It includes friends who make me laugh and who help me grow.

Helpful people are all around us. Why go through life alone? Create your own list of angels – consider starting with one to attract helpful people, one to help you realize your dreams in love, one to mentor and guide your business and wealth, one to inspire your spirituality and courage, and one to remind you to live well and laugh often.

With your list in hand, find your Helpful People gua. When walking in the front door, it’s located in the front right corner. Start by removing anything that depletes your energy, especially clutter.

Hopefully your Helpful People gua is not located in a bathroom, but if it is, it is. Energize the space by adding “a night light and keep it on twenty-four hours a day.” 1

Wherever the space is located, enhance it by adding a plant or water fountain. Add inspirational art portraying nature. Display photos of you enjoying time with friends in metal picture frames. Place a round, empty bowl near the door to attract helpers and opportunities your way. Display books written by authors you admire. Promote community by displaying items in groupings of three (i.e. three books, three candles, three coat hooks). Accent with the colors gray, silver, black and white. For aroma, consider the scent of thyme for empowerment.

What’s missing? You. To further stimulate the helpful people energy in your life, you must become a helpful person yourself. Volunteer and make charitable donations. Mentor someone else. Give of yourself!

1. Barrett, Jayme (2003). feng shui your life. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., Inc., 146.

- by Tammy Long

As with everything feng shui, there are some basic underlying principles to apply. First, clear the clutter — from the top of your desk, the bookshelves, and the floor. Fix or get rid of all the broken things, throw out all the dead flowers and plants, and remove the things you never use. Get organized. Use organizing trays in drawers for pens, paper clips and more. Keep only active files and projects in filing cabinets and store the rest. Be efficient. Reflect the reputation you want — remember, your surroundings mirror you and you mirror you surroundings.

Consider placing your desk in an optimal position, one where you have a view of the largest part of room/entryway – not directly in front of door. A position where your back is supported by wall or something solid not a large window, one where your desk is divided from the discussion area if possible, and one where your desk is not shoved up against a wall with your back to the door.

Find a good chair. One that provides good ergonomic support … after all, you sit there all day.

Think color. Colorful offices liven things up. To support the business intent, consider a touch of red to motivate and increase action, yellow and orange to cheer, blue and lavender to sooth, green to balancing and invite new opportunities, black and brown accents to bring about stability, red and gold combined in accents to promote prosperity.

Accessorize. Add art depicting mountains, landscapes or seascapes are at eye level to encourage vision or hang inspirational art or pictures across from your desk to inspire endless possibilities. Display certificates or achievements in red frames– they are good for your confidence, self-worth, and enhance your reputation. Remove any items that remind you of unsuccessful projects. Consider adding soft-leaved plants rather than cacti. Consider bookshelves that are closed in. And, don’t place mirrors reflecting you at your desk – it multiplies your workload – who needs that?

For lighting, use halogen or incandescent rather than fluorescent lights. Even better, use full-spectrum bulbs.

For your health, get out and take a walk during lunch – sunlight is good for everyone. Lose the negative people and surround yourself with the positive. Place a plant next to your computer to counteract harmful electromagnetic effects. Play soft music for pleasure and privacy — especially if your office is a cubicle. And if allowed, place a water fountain in the wealth corner (the far left corner from the door) to calm.

This should get you off to a great start … now follow your intuition, have some fun and create your own “perfect office.”

- by Tammy Long

1) Am I following my dream?
2) Am I getting paid to do what I love doing?
3) Does my job define me?

Understand, following your dream is a journey. It takes commitment and persistence, especially now. It also calls for an open mind, a willingness to sometimes take a risk, and making yourself available for new opportunities. Maybe you were getting paid to do what you loved doing, but not anymore. So what would you love to do now? It’s not healthy to allow one’s job to define them … life calls for balance.

Set the stage. Locate the CAREER gua in your home. From the front door, it’s located center front.

“As water flows in a river, your life is a journey that drops you off at many destinations along the way to creating your destiny.” 1

To land a new job, get that promotion you’ve been working for, change careers, create a harmonious work environment or uncover the secrets to your life’s true purpose, remove all negatives including photos of angry bosses, destructive colleagues, things that don’t accurately reflect where you want to go. In fact, consider this your permission slip to trash all photos of yourself you don’t love and that don’t accurately reflect you and where your intentions.

To wake up your enthusiasm, maintain a healthy flow and circulation in this area. CLEAR THE CLUTTER! Then enhance with pictures of flowing water (to support the journey), a water fountain (for wealth), a mirror behind the fountain to double the water (wealth) energy, healthy plants (to encourage growth), framed congratulatory notes or articles that symbolize the organizations you support or hobbies you’re interested in (to support your intentions).

Accent with the colors black and dark blue and good lighting. Call on your courage to trust your instincts.

Ultimately, may the foundation you create manifest your dream to prosper from doing what you love doing.

1 Jayme Barrett (2003). feng shui your life. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., 130

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the August 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

The foundation for making your money work for you begins both at home and with you. Feng shui works to improve the energy flow of spaces and encourage overall balance and harmony in life.

Improving the energy flow of spaces calls for keeping one’s surroundings clutter free, organized, and properly aligned. Home is considered the foundation or personal retreat. Keep it simple. Too much stuff creates stress.

The office is the space that generates wealth and prosperity, the space you spend nearly a third of your life in. Make it inviting and comfortable – reflective of your intentions. And if your business is in retail, the store may be your office. Success depends on attracting customers. To draw them in, make the windows and doors attractive and interesting. Once in the door, give customers a reason to stay – the longer someone stays, the greater the sales potential. Make your displays beautiful! Make your space interesting! Create an experience!!!

People who live and work in well-balanced environments tend to be balanced, happy, healthy people. Balanced, happy, healthy people are more in harmony with life – an attitude that can be contagious. Be contagious. Make your money work for you by being a well-balanced, happy, and healthy person — and create a work environment that delivers a great customer service experience!!!

–by Tammy Long
This article first appeared in the July 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

“I see a mountaintop.”

“ I see a flying saucer.”

“I see…”

When was the last time you went to the park to lay – back first – on a grassy hillside, eyes to the sky, to cloud shape? That’s when you let your imagination run wild and try to find shapes in the cloud – or in the negative spaces between the clouds. Or, when was the last time you took a road trip (passengers only please!) and played discoverer? That’s when you name the landforms, like our early discoverers did when they named Saddle Mountain, Mexican Hat, and Shiprock.

“Life is ambiguous; there are many right answers – all depending on what you are looking for. But if you think there is only one right answer, then you’ll stop looking as soon as you find one.” 1

Unlocking one’s creative genius brings out an improved ability to problem solve, encouraging a higher level of risk taking. Like in the world of yesterday, success in today’s highly competitive world depends largely on both an ability to problem solve and a willingness to take risk.

Creativity is associated with the metal element or the lake. We all long for the need to create. For some this reflected by having children, for others it is reflected in their art, cooking, gardening, music or maybe refurbishing old cars. If you seek to express your own creativity, want to improve relationships with your children or start a new creative project, unlock your creative genius with some simple enhancements to your surrounding environment.

Find your Children and Creativity gua. It’s located center right. Remove the clutter and all negativity. Display a child’s artwork, round objects, metal frames or musical instruments. Add some handmade crafts, a book of poetry or a print from one of your favorite artists. Add a bouquet of white roses or yellow sunflowers.

Now, bring your inner child out to play and laugh until you cry!

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the July 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

1 Roger von Oech, “A Whack on the side of the Head: How You Can Be More Creative,” (New York: Warner Books, 1983).

Think of yourself as the movie director in a movie called “LIFE” where you also play in the starring role. Now think about what matters most in your movie? Personal accomplishments, family, character or reputation? How do you want movie goers to see you in this starring role? Respected, honorable, helpful, smart, fun, thoughtful — committed to home, work, community. Do you want to be famous? For your passion, talent, or wealth?

It’s your life — your movie! Seize the opportunity to manifest the memory of you now, while you’re alive!

Find your Fame & Reputation gua and fire it up. It’s located back center stage. Claim a space and create your very own “wall of fame” with the intention of gaining the recognition, publicity and respect you earn and deserve for all the things that matter to you most.

Hopefully your Fame & Reputation gua is not located in a bathroom, but if it is, it is. Energize the space by adding “a night light with a red bulb and keep it on twenty-four hours a day.”1 If it’s located somewhere else, energize the fire by removing water symbols and anything that fails to reflect you or your intentions (including books, photos, art).

Enhance the space by placing two red candles, a vase of tall red flowers and a book of someone your respect or mentor on a table. Make your “wall of fame” beautiful. Hang awards reflecting the things you’re proud of, the things you’re famous for. Add some sunny art and a favorite motto or quote. Be sure to add a splash of color — consider orange, yellow and green.

Remember, your life is a journey. Pack your suitcase and go. You are the director and you are the star of the show. Accept that both the journey and the direction will change along the way. It’s okay, relax and go with the flow. Be sure to keep your “wall of fame” fresh by displaying what matters along the way. Be proud and be remembered — the way you want to be!

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the June 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

1 Barrett, Jayme (2003). feng shui your life. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., Inc., 146.

Bigger is not always better.1 So many homes today echo – ceilings soar with floor to ceiling windows and rooms are expansive with hard, bare floors. A cozy home feels like a warm embrace. It feels welcoming and draws you in. It has good flow, a balance of both nature’s five elements and yin and yang, and personality.

To make big feel cozy, consider “tone-on-tone” neutral colors. 2 Pull furniture away from the wall to open walkways for good flow. Create and define intimate seating arrangements for four to six people. Hang art at eye level to bring ceilings down.

Bring in the elements. Scented candles and a touch of red add fire; the color brown and earthen pots bring in earth; the color white and metal lamps represent metal; the color black and glass add water; and wooden floors and plants bring in wood.

Balance yin (female) and yang (male). Soften hard angular yang surfaces with soft yin rugs, drapes, pillows, and throws. Arrange things in fives to encourage conversation, threes for a sense of community and pairs to influence romance.3

Finally, add some personality! Accessorize with a display of family photos, books you love, and beautiful heirlooms.

–by Tammy Long, reprinted from Feng Shui Lifestyles April-June 2010 Edition,
A Quarterly Newsletter for Harmonious Living from A SuiteSpace, llc.

1) Susanka, Sarah (1998). The Not So Big House, A Blueprint for the Way We Really Live. Newtown, CT: The Tauton Press, 7.
2) Hoppen, Stephanie (2006). Perfect Neutrals, Color You Can Live With. New York, NY: Watson-Guptill Publications, 13.
3) Stasney, Sharon (2000). Feng Shui Chic, Stylish Designs for Harmonious Living. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., Inc., 116-120.

Playing in the dirt is grounding. It feels good!

Plant your own potato patch, take a pottery class, or go for a hike!

Grandma and I would take our pie tins from the kitchen, gather up some dirt from the irrigation ditch, add a few rocks from the driveway, a little straw from the haystack, mix in a little water and pour the mixture into our empty pie tins. Then we’d set the tins along the patio, in full sun, to bake. When they were done, we’d sit and admire our beautiful creations!

Playing in the dirt is grounding. It feels good! Dirt (soil) represents the earth element. Next time you want to feel more grounded or a little calmer – and you don’t want to play – surround yourself with earth tone colors, square shapes or potted plants. On the other hand, if you decide you do want to play, plant your own potato patch, take a pottery class, or go for a hike!

–by Tammy Long, reprinted from Feng Shui Lifestyles April-June 2010 Edition,
A Quarterly Newsletter for Harmonious Living from A SuiteSpace, llc.

Spouse, lover, friend, mom, dad, coach, volunteer, mentor, son, daughter, homemaker, wage earner, handyman, taxi driver, cook …

These are but a few of the things people list as the various roles they play. Most list at least five and while that may seem like a lot, chances are it’s just the tip of the iceberg. When asked what they’d like to learn and discover, they say they’d like to read more, become more spiritual, learn a new hobby or a new language, write a book, or take time to meditate. Seem disconnected? Absolutely!

The roles listed are generally about a commitment to others while the things listed for learning and discovery are generally about self. Very seldom (if ever) do people list “nurturing me” as a role. Think about it, when was the last time you thought of yourself as a one of the roles you play? As human beings we tend to forget about cultivating self. In fact, most of us feel a little guilty if we put ourselves first – go ahead, admit it! As a result we become self-critical, impatient and intolerant. We are not as giving or forgiving, as we’d like to be, especially of our own actions. We lack compassion.
Worse yet, without a commitment to self, the potential exists to become resentful and angry, causing a serious drain on one’s energy.

Why not enhance your surroundings to enhance self? Claim a space, in any gua, but somewhere you like to be, and dedicate it to you. Make it beautiful – add a chair, a lamp, a few books, some flowers and a clock to remind yourself that your time there belongs to you. Then, take time each day to sit there alone and nurture your soul. Get to know yourself. Learn to respect and love yourself again (or for the first time). Discover what it feels like to be comfortable in your own skin. Doing so can lead to amazing things.

To take things further, locate the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation gua. It’s located in the lower left corner of your home.

Begin by clearing the clutter! Big surprise, right? Clutter weighs everything down, limiting opportunities, and women especially tend to dedicate time to everything and everyone else — long before making time for self. Being clutter free is like getting a guilt-free permission slip to tap into you.

Remove all negatives and dead plants. Get rid of all the reading piles – old magazines, newspapers, books you’ll never really read — the information overload blocks your intuition.

Add healthy plants, lamps, dark green and blue accessories, photos of people who inspire you, reflective artwork such as mountains, gardens or beaches. Be sure to add books you are currently reading. Energize the space with a water fountain. If possible, add an armchair and maybe a lamp.

Next time someone asks you to list the roles you play, consider self as one of your most important. Take time to nurture and cultivate the person you are. Learn to respect, love and honor “the me” inside. Empower yourself to take time to learn about things that matter to you. Inspire your spouse, your children, and your friends. Celebrate the loving, patient and compassionate person you are.

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the May 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

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