This seems like a good place to start. Politeness, etiquette, manners, virtue, courtesies… they are not just words. What about the Golden Rule, Karma, cause and effect? The best of life comes from sharing and generating an epidemic of positive energy. Taking part in this epidemic calls for a revival in social grace.

Summer holidays are a time for social and family reunions, weddings, and travel. They are a time where your social grace is on exhibit. Do you feel your social grace represents you well? Do you feel satisfied with the response you’re getting to your exhibit? Are you pleased with the cause and effect?

If you answered no to any of the above questions, here are some tips to improve your social grace at at any kind of holiday gathering with friends or with family. These tips also work well for any kind of business event:

1.  Keep in mind, every event has two kinds of people … hosts and guests. Hosts make the introductions and make people feel comfortable. Guests need attention and maintenance.  At your next event, be more of a host and less of a guest. Start with a scan of the room. If you see someone you know, greet him or her. If they don’t introduce you, introduce yourself. Say something like:

“I don’t believe we’ve met before, I’m Sara”

or
“I’m sorry, I think we’ve met before but I’m rotten with names, what’s your name again?”
or

We discussed our favorite recipes, I’m Sara, please remind me of you name.

People love that you recognize them. If you need a topic for initiating a conversation, ask “how do you know the host?”

2.  Are you a rock piler? This is when people huddle together in a tight circle because it feels safer. Resist the urge to do this! Excuse yourself – yes, always, excuse yourself – say something like “I need to say hello to…” or simply “excuse me”.

If you know someone else, head his or her way and start over.

If you don’t, get another drink (remember, no good guest becomes intoxicated) and while in line, start small talk other people in line. Maybe begin by introducing yourself, say, “Great party, have we met? My name is Sara.” Good manners suggest that when holding a drink, hold it in your left hand, keep your right hand free for a handshake.

If there’s food, get a bite or two, and make small talk with others at the table. Maybe announce “great food!” On the other hand, if the food is bad, compliment the tablecloth. Find something nice to say! Not only is the nice thing to do, you never know who might be listening.

When eating, take very small bites in order to clear out of your mouth quickly.

If you don’t feel like drinking or eating, fine. Simply ease to the edge of a group that doesn’t appear to be having a private conversation. If they look questioningly your way, say something like, “Hi, I’m doing my best to be sociable and meet new people, I’m Sara.”

.. Don’t group hop or act as though your in scanner mode. Look people in the eye, listen politely, act interested and excuse yourself when you decide to move on.

Good manners suggest a social gathering is not the place to do business, even if it is a business-related social gathering. If you encounter someone who could benefit your business, schedule an appointment.

3. Dress appropriately. When in doubt, dress better.

4. Avoid boxing – squaring your shoulders front and center in front of one person. It’s okay with one on one conversation but excludes others from joining in. Be open for others to join in your conversation.

5. Put your coat and bag down. Holding onto to your coat says you just arrived, you are about to leave or you need a shield. While women can be forgiven for keeping a purse with them, men can’t.

6. Set a good example of social grace. Consider mentoring a younger family member or a friend. Try to introduce people to something you enjoy (perhaps a good book or movie, maybe a favorite hiking trail) at every social event.

7. Don’t forget to get mentored… make it a goal yourself to learn at least three new things at every social event. When learning, tilt your head (without going overboard) and look like the great listener you are!

8. Be a good host while you’re someone else’s guest. Say hi to the wallflowers. Be gracious to everyone. Make introductions too. Introduce a junior person to a senior person. When making introductions, include a positive snippet about both people…  for example:

“Mandy I’d like to introduce you to Sue, she’s an engineer who also loves to design costumes. Sue, this is my friend Mandy whom I told you about from my investment club.”

9. Managing the party host. When interacting with the host, ask simple upbeat yes/no questions and don’t monopolize them… they are hosting the party after all.

10. Always, always, always: Thank the host before you leave.

Enjoy!

Sources:

Rowland, Dianna. “Networking 201” http://www:sfwa.org/2009/07/networking-201-how-to-“work-a-room”. Retrieved 12/06/2010.

Chiang, Larry. “10 tips for founders en route to the power-party circuit” from http://www.bspcn.com/207/06/30/how-to-work-the-room. Retrieved 12/06/2010.

My list is long. It includes all my grandparents — one who offers guidance, one who watches over me when I cook, one who reminds me to travel the world, and one who encourages me to tell my stories. It includes my parents, both who I call on for strength. It includes my husband, the man who challenges me, believes in me and loves me. It also includes mentors I’ve never met, but who inspire me to live with intention. It includes friends who make me laugh and who help me grow.

Helpful people are all around us. Why go through life alone? Create your own list of angels – consider starting with one to attract helpful people, one to help you realize your dreams in love, one to mentor and guide your business and wealth, one to inspire your spirituality and courage, and one to remind you to live well and laugh often.

With your list in hand, find your Helpful People gua. When walking in the front door, it’s located in the front right corner. Start by removing anything that depletes your energy, especially clutter.

Hopefully your Helpful People gua is not located in a bathroom, but if it is, it is. Energize the space by adding “a night light and keep it on twenty-four hours a day.” 1

Wherever the space is located, enhance it by adding a plant or water fountain. Add inspirational art portraying nature. Display photos of you enjoying time with friends in metal picture frames. Place a round, empty bowl near the door to attract helpers and opportunities your way. Display books written by authors you admire. Promote community by displaying items in groupings of three (i.e. three books, three candles, three coat hooks). Accent with the colors gray, silver, black and white. For aroma, consider the scent of thyme for empowerment.

What’s missing? You. To further stimulate the helpful people energy in your life, you must become a helpful person yourself. Volunteer and make charitable donations. Mentor someone else. Give of yourself!

1. Barrett, Jayme (2003). feng shui your life. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., Inc., 146.

- by Tammy Long

1) Am I following my dream?
2) Am I getting paid to do what I love doing?
3) Does my job define me?

Understand, following your dream is a journey. It takes commitment and persistence, especially now. It also calls for an open mind, a willingness to sometimes take a risk, and making yourself available for new opportunities. Maybe you were getting paid to do what you loved doing, but not anymore. So what would you love to do now? It’s not healthy to allow one’s job to define them … life calls for balance.

Set the stage. Locate the CAREER gua in your home. From the front door, it’s located center front.

“As water flows in a river, your life is a journey that drops you off at many destinations along the way to creating your destiny.” 1

To land a new job, get that promotion you’ve been working for, change careers, create a harmonious work environment or uncover the secrets to your life’s true purpose, remove all negatives including photos of angry bosses, destructive colleagues, things that don’t accurately reflect where you want to go. In fact, consider this your permission slip to trash all photos of yourself you don’t love and that don’t accurately reflect you and where your intentions.

To wake up your enthusiasm, maintain a healthy flow and circulation in this area. CLEAR THE CLUTTER! Then enhance with pictures of flowing water (to support the journey), a water fountain (for wealth), a mirror behind the fountain to double the water (wealth) energy, healthy plants (to encourage growth), framed congratulatory notes or articles that symbolize the organizations you support or hobbies you’re interested in (to support your intentions).

Accent with the colors black and dark blue and good lighting. Call on your courage to trust your instincts.

Ultimately, may the foundation you create manifest your dream to prosper from doing what you love doing.

1 Jayme Barrett (2003). feng shui your life. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., 130

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the August 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

“I see a mountaintop.”

“ I see a flying saucer.”

“I see…”

When was the last time you went to the park to lay – back first – on a grassy hillside, eyes to the sky, to cloud shape? That’s when you let your imagination run wild and try to find shapes in the cloud – or in the negative spaces between the clouds. Or, when was the last time you took a road trip (passengers only please!) and played discoverer? That’s when you name the landforms, like our early discoverers did when they named Saddle Mountain, Mexican Hat, and Shiprock.

“Life is ambiguous; there are many right answers – all depending on what you are looking for. But if you think there is only one right answer, then you’ll stop looking as soon as you find one.” 1

Unlocking one’s creative genius brings out an improved ability to problem solve, encouraging a higher level of risk taking. Like in the world of yesterday, success in today’s highly competitive world depends largely on both an ability to problem solve and a willingness to take risk.

Creativity is associated with the metal element or the lake. We all long for the need to create. For some this reflected by having children, for others it is reflected in their art, cooking, gardening, music or maybe refurbishing old cars. If you seek to express your own creativity, want to improve relationships with your children or start a new creative project, unlock your creative genius with some simple enhancements to your surrounding environment.

Find your Children and Creativity gua. It’s located center right. Remove the clutter and all negativity. Display a child’s artwork, round objects, metal frames or musical instruments. Add some handmade crafts, a book of poetry or a print from one of your favorite artists. Add a bouquet of white roses or yellow sunflowers.

Now, bring your inner child out to play and laugh until you cry!

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the July 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

1 Roger von Oech, “A Whack on the side of the Head: How You Can Be More Creative,” (New York: Warner Books, 1983).

Bigger is not always better.1 So many homes today echo – ceilings soar with floor to ceiling windows and rooms are expansive with hard, bare floors. A cozy home feels like a warm embrace. It feels welcoming and draws you in. It has good flow, a balance of both nature’s five elements and yin and yang, and personality.

To make big feel cozy, consider “tone-on-tone” neutral colors. 2 Pull furniture away from the wall to open walkways for good flow. Create and define intimate seating arrangements for four to six people. Hang art at eye level to bring ceilings down.

Bring in the elements. Scented candles and a touch of red add fire; the color brown and earthen pots bring in earth; the color white and metal lamps represent metal; the color black and glass add water; and wooden floors and plants bring in wood.

Balance yin (female) and yang (male). Soften hard angular yang surfaces with soft yin rugs, drapes, pillows, and throws. Arrange things in fives to encourage conversation, threes for a sense of community and pairs to influence romance.3

Finally, add some personality! Accessorize with a display of family photos, books you love, and beautiful heirlooms.

–by Tammy Long, reprinted from Feng Shui Lifestyles April-June 2010 Edition,
A Quarterly Newsletter for Harmonious Living from A SuiteSpace, llc.

1) Susanka, Sarah (1998). The Not So Big House, A Blueprint for the Way We Really Live. Newtown, CT: The Tauton Press, 7.
2) Hoppen, Stephanie (2006). Perfect Neutrals, Color You Can Live With. New York, NY: Watson-Guptill Publications, 13.
3) Stasney, Sharon (2000). Feng Shui Chic, Stylish Designs for Harmonious Living. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co., Inc., 116-120.

Playing in the dirt is grounding. It feels good!

Plant your own potato patch, take a pottery class, or go for a hike!

Grandma and I would take our pie tins from the kitchen, gather up some dirt from the irrigation ditch, add a few rocks from the driveway, a little straw from the haystack, mix in a little water and pour the mixture into our empty pie tins. Then we’d set the tins along the patio, in full sun, to bake. When they were done, we’d sit and admire our beautiful creations!

Playing in the dirt is grounding. It feels good! Dirt (soil) represents the earth element. Next time you want to feel more grounded or a little calmer – and you don’t want to play – surround yourself with earth tone colors, square shapes or potted plants. On the other hand, if you decide you do want to play, plant your own potato patch, take a pottery class, or go for a hike!

–by Tammy Long, reprinted from Feng Shui Lifestyles April-June 2010 Edition,
A Quarterly Newsletter for Harmonious Living from A SuiteSpace, llc.

Your Wealth corner (gua) is located in the rear left of your home and is associated with the money energy in your life. Take a critical look. How does it feel? Is it inspiring? Does it reflect your goals? Could it use some minor enhancements — enhancements that might better reflect your intentions?

→ Toilets, hanging plants, towels or shower curtains that hang down drain prosperity… Encourage the wealth to flow back into the home. As always, remember to keep toilet seats down and add standing, upward growing plants.

→ Pictures that step down a stairway, encourage energy to flow too quickly… Stabilize the flow by hanging pictures along a horizontal line.

→ Dead plants, urns of ashes, garbage cans, or things that are depressing encourage negativity and sadness… Replace with things that make you feel alive, grateful and happy. Consider adding a bamboo plant and nightlight with a red bulb.

→ Rooms that are stark black or white can reflect feelings of emptiness… Reflect abundance by adding purple curtains, a copper teakettle filled with purple flowers, a glass bowl filled with fruit, a vibrant painting or a collection of beautiful and/or valuable heirlooms.

→ Closets, hallways or rooms that are dark reflect a lack of transparency and block circulation… Light them up by adding bright lights and consider painting them purple, the color of wealth.

→ Rooms or storage areas that are cluttered reflect a lack of control, organization and balance… Clear out the clutter. Only keep things you love and organize them beautifully in colorful containers.

→ Your car… Make it shine; inside and out, it’s a reflection of your prosperity.

→ A fireplace… Add a vase of flowers or anything with water to prevent the flame from burning up your wealth.

→ Nothing, nothing at all…. Is the wealth corner of your home actually missing? If so, activate with corrections either inside or outside. Inside, consider adding a water fountain or fish tank. Outside, consider lighting up the missing area, planting a tree, or adding a birdbath.

Enhancing your surrounding environment to clearly reflect your intentions is an easy way to manifest your desire to feel more financially secure. Enhance away and feel the wealth!

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the April 2010 “Things To Do” Magazine.

There’s nothing like the aroma of clean! It’s fresh, welcoming and stimulating. From a feng shui perspective, it’s healthy. Be ready for spring! Pick a sunny day, turn the music on, open the windows, de-clutter and give your home the gift of clean.

Dust everything – the walls, ceiling fans, light fixtures, picture frames, bookcases, books, the top of the refrigerator. Take advantage of the opportunity to get rid of dead plants and flowers, unwanted books, broken frames, old newspapers and magazines, things you no longer use, unwanted gifts, things you don’t like, things you’ll never really repair, inherited clutter, mystery boxes and empty boxes. If you don’t love it or don’t use it, get rid of it!

Vacuum everything you can’t dust – furniture, behind and under furniture, carpeting, behind doors, rugs, behind the refrigerator. Clean the windows, the mirrors, and all the glass – make it shine.

Now, wash down all the hard surfaces with an all-purpose scented household cleaner. Choose citrus fruits or pine for their clean aromatic qualities. Oranges are cheerful and uplifting and best of all, stimulating for any stagnate energy. Lemons are radiant and pine is naturally fresh and warming. 1

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article first appeared in the March 2010 “Things to Do” Magazine.

1 Gill Farrer-Halls, The Aromatherapy Bible (New York: Sterling Publishing Company, 2005) 318, 322, 343.

First, take inventory. Find your relationship sector. It’s located in the upper right corner of your home and the upper right corner of every room. Ruled by the planet earth, it represents your ability to commit to something/someone greater (work, earth, home, or someone else). Think of it as the energy conductor for all relationships, including your relationship with yourself. Take a critical look – is it clutter free? Is it open yet cozy? Is it warm and inviting? Is it somewhere you want to be?

Next, set the stage. To make yourself open to receiving love, support and nurturing from others, clear out all the clutter and dead plants. If your relationship gua is located in a bathroom, add a pair of earthen pots for stability. If located in a hallway, add a rug to slow any fast rushing ch’i. If located in a living room, display rose quartz here and in your bedroom to create a romantic link. If located in the kitchen, display relationship photos on the refrigerator as a reminder to encourage good relationships with others, not with food. If located in the dining room, display a beautiful red bowl on the table to invite opportunity. If located in the bedroom, clear out all the bedside reading material and cover up the television, your attention should be focused on bedroom activities, not work or outside entertainment. Avoid artwork depicting singles. Create areas that invite togetherness and encourage harmony — a pair of overstuffed comfortable chairs facing each other or an overstuffed loveseat.

Finally, create the right kind of mood — capture the essence of romance. Soften things up with colorful throw pillows and a cozy blanket. Light a pair of candles next to a vase of red roses. Light up a corner lamp with a pink light bulb. Open your heart to the possibilities! Put on some soft romantic music. Bring out the wine and dark chocolate for two — or for one — and celebrate the love in your life on St. Valentine’s Day with style, you deserve it!

–by Tammy Long
A condensed version of this article was first published in the February 2010 edition of “Things to Do” Magazine.

Yellow is associated with the grounding, supportive energy of earth. It accentuates optimism, focus and communication. To encourage concentration in an office or study, a soft-muted yellow could be a good color choice.

Green is associated with the personal growth energy of wood. It accentuates growth and healing. Green can encourage more restful sleeping patterns and is a great color choice for a child’s room. Accent with bright yellow or orange to motivate or blue to calm.

Blue is associated with the release and renewal energy of water. It accentuates imagination. To increase creativity or generate new ideas, consider adding blue accent pieces in the southeast corner of your home.

Red is associated with the expansive energy of fire. Considered a good accent color for a dining room, it may be too stimulating for a bedroom.

White is associated with the mental energy of metal. Perhaps a good color choice for stimulating creativity, too much can make people sarcastic or sharp.

–Published in October 2009, Things to Do